Sometimes We Just Need Someone Who Gets It

Over the years, as I have shared the story of my journey, one of the questions I am most frequently asked is, “How can I support someone who is struggling?”

I have always found that question difficult to answer. Perhaps I was so absorbed in my own challenges that I hadn't given it much thought. Or maybe I was unsure of how I could be the person lending a listening ear.

I believe there is something uniquely powerful about peer support. It can mean reaching out to someone who has walked a similar path, someone who understands the realities of farm life: the pressure, the uncertainty, the financial stress, and the feeling that everyone is counting on you.

But peer support is also about being that person for someone else. Sometimes we need someone to listen, and sometimes we need to be the person who notices that someone else is struggling and simply asks, “Are you okay?”

Counsellors provide knowledge, tools and professional guidance, and those things are incredibly important. But there is also something powerful about knowing that the person sitting across from you doesn't just understand mental health; they understand your world. Sometimes, that connection can be the first step toward feeling a little less alone.

I often share the following story because it reminds me just how powerful it can be when someone takes the time to listen.

Many years ago, not long after I was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression, I experienced a life event that pushed me to what felt like the edge of an abyss. I struggled to function. Even the simplest things seemed difficult, and I had very little enthusiasm for life. I remember telling a family member that I wasn't sure the sun would ever come up for me again. The future seemed bleak, and I was having a hard time seeing my way through it.

But life doesn't stop just because we're struggling. I still had a farm to look after, animals to care for, and responsibilities that weren't going to disappear simply because I was having difficulty coping. So, a few days after the event, I made my way to the farm.

Before I even had a chance to go into the barn, my neighbour showed up. I suspect he could see that something wasn't right. He didn't make any assumptions or offer any advice. He simply asked me how I was doing.

Now, we all know how that conversation usually goes. Someone asks how we're doing, and we automatically respond, “Fine.” Or “Just plugging along.” One of my favourites has always been, “Just another day in paradise!”

We say these things almost out of habit, regardless of what's actually happening inside our heads. For years, that's exactly how I responded. It was easier to say I was fine than to explain that I wasn't.

But for some reason, that morning was different. Instead of giving my usual answer, I began to talk. And talk. I poured out the thoughts, fears, frustrations and emotions that had been swirling around in my head. Things I had been carrying around, perhaps hoping that if I ignored them long enough, they might somehow go away.

For the next hour, my neighbour sat and listened. He didn't try to fix me. He didn't offer a list of solutions or tell me what I should do. He didn't minimize what I was experiencing or suggest that I simply needed to look on the bright side.

Instead, he allowed me to talk. He helped me recognize that my reactions were understandable and that what I was experiencing wasn't something I had to be ashamed of. He made me feel heard.

That conversation brought me relief. I finally had an opportunity to release some of the emotions I had been carrying around. I felt comfortable sharing things I had been reluctant to discuss, particularly with those closest to me, because I didn't want to burden them.

My neighbour didn't solve my problems that morning. But by listening without judgment, he helped me feel less alone. And that conversation encouraged me to reach out for additional help and support.

That, to me, is the essence of peer support.

I think we sometimes fall into the trap of believing we need to have all the answers. We worry about saying the wrong thing or not knowing how to respond. And because of that uncertainty, we hesitate to help.

The good news is that we can learn how to become better at supporting others. We don't need to be counsellors, and we certainly don't need to have all the answers. But we can develop the skills and confidence to listen, recognize when someone may be struggling, and help them find the support they need.

The Manitoba Farmer Wellness Program in partnership with The Stigma Free Mental Health Society, is offering Peer Support training in Brandon on November 14 and 15.

Whether you're looking to support a neighbour, a friend, a family member or someone else in the agricultural community, this training is an opportunity to learn how to make a difference when someone needs it most.

If you're interested in attending or would like more information, visit www.ruralmindsmatter.com.

I'm planning on attending to learn more. Hope to see you there!